11/4/2004 08:18:58 AM|||paul|||US voters rally behind Paul|||Voters turned out in record numbers on Tuesday to aid Paul in path to victory over the nefarious Scroop. The battle lines couldn't be clearer or bloodier, and the stakes couldn't be higher - a fine bottle of liquour ride on his 'Bush will win 2004' campaign that polarised the entire nation.

The end of Tuesday left Ohio as the final bastion of hope for Scroop, though many wonder why his party hadn't conceded by that point. Fox news has been reporting a clear victory for Paul for most of the day.

Defeat was conceded early this morning by the 'Liquour for Scroop' party, the death knoll announced by Scroop himself in a particularly somber declaration: 'The hack won. Kerry has conceded.'

Pundits speculate that Scroop's mistake was to appeal to the intellect and common sense of the average voter. Scroop's media people commented in a press release early this morning that 'this is not a mistake we'll be making again in 2008. Next time we'll promise a new war against a nation even poorer than Iraq, and we are already working on a slew of bills to present to congress that will reverse at least half of the amendments to the Constitution. We will present the American people with the chance to not just shoot themselves in the foot, but to blow off their whole damn leg!'

Paul could not be reached for comment, but campaign spokespeople say he could probably be found near the fridge drinking milk and eating fatty foods. 'He always likes to prime himself - or line the ol' stomach as he likes to say - before settling back into a night on the turps' one remarked.

Whispered rumours indicate that Paul is already reconsidering his choice of whiskey. Chivas Regal - while a smooth drop - has been tried and tested, while Paul has been in the past known to expand his pallet by preferring experimental untried drinks. Is this reversal of election promises a sign of things to come?|||109949561094604587