My little brother just had a go at me for not having posted in a while. I don't like this kind of pressure... I'm no dancing monkey.

So instead of pointing out to him that I do occasionally write things in the 'blather' and 'News' sections that he can just go and read, I thought I'd pontificate publicly on a simple lesson I learned several years ago, while I was seeking finance for my first car.

I needed $15,000 fast. So I started ringing around the various banks to find out what kind of loans I could get, what conditions, interest rates, or whatever (I'm not really interested in matters relating to finance, so don't ask me who I went with. My criteria ended up coming down to who would give me the money the fastest.)

Anyway, the useful lesson I learned was given to me by the useless drudgards (I think I just made that word up) at National Australia Bank. Having had several bad experiences with NAB before, I wasn't really interested in using their services, but I thought I should at least put up a semblance of thoroughness, so that when relating the story people would listen to me as though I were some credible source. Of course, I wasn't intending at the time to actually explain it that way.

Most banks ask a slew of questions and tell you at the end that they will get back to you within a few weeks. NAB, however, turned out to be in possession of some curious technology that enabled them to give me a summarily prompt 'No, it turns out we will not be able to finance you...' after just the 12th or so question.

The more I think on it, I believe their space-aged technology was actually capable of interpreting my character from the answers I gave. One of the final answers, for example, was probably a little more revealing than I had intended. In response to their 'how much would you say your monthly expenditure totals?' I should have probably pondered a little longer before replying, as 'Does that include my alcohol expenses?' was probably not construed in a favourable light.

I hope my insight might prove useful to any of you reading who may at some stage seek a loan. You should understand that monthly expenditure includes all expenses; asking them to explain probably made me look like a fool that would not be able to repay a loan.